On the occasion of our 250th podcast, we’re celebrating with this bonus mini-episode, compiling a year’s worth of our show-starting jokes into one convenient package. These tiny tales of stuff walking into bars, bad trips to the doctor and lightbulbs in need of changing come courtesy of guests like Jonah Hill, Carrie Brownstein, The Arctic Monkeys, Tavi Gevinson, Jim Jarmusch, Timothy Olyphant, and dozens more. Some are funny… most are not. But there are definitely a lot of them. Enjoy!
“A Space, Man” – Hugh Bonneville
Actor, aka Lord Grantham of “Downton Abbey”
“Two Cupcakes” – Jonah Hill
Oscar nominee for “Wolf Of Wall Street” and “Moneyball”
“Interrupting Feral Pig” – Jonathan Goldstein
Author and host of “Wire Tap”
“Knock Knock x 3” – Daniel Post-Senning & Lizzie Post
Etiquette experts and co-authors of “Emily Post’s Etiquette”
“Waldo’s Stripes” – Judy Greer
Co-star of “The Descendants,” “Arrested Development,” and many more
“The Mummy’s Soundtrack” – Joanna Hershon
Author of the novel “A Dual Inheritance”
“The Chiropractor’s Soundtrack” – Annabelle Gurwitch
Author and former host of “Dinner and A Movie”
“A Well-Dressed Gator” – Lance Bangs
Director of rock music videos and the Slint documentary “Breadcrumb Trail”
“Dancing Kleenex” – Carrie Brownstein
Co-creator of “Portlandia,” ex-frontwoman of Wild Flag and Sleater-Kinney
“Hummingbirds” – Noah Strycker
Professional bird nerd and author of “The Thing with Feathers”
“Actors on Lightbulbs” – Sam Harris
Actor and author of the showbiz memoir “Ham”
“Hip Lightbulbs” – Jordan Vogt-Roberts
Director of “The Kings of Summer” and “Nick Offerman: American Ham.”
“Ironic Misogynist Joke” – Tavi Gevinson
Feminist, Rookie Magazine editor-in-chief, stage and film actor
“Purple Stuff” – Steve
Citizen of Salt Lake City and valued DPD listener
“Bar Food” – Jim Jarmusch
Pioneering indie filmmaker, coolest man in world
“A Fun Guy” – Ashley Cardiff
Author of the comedic essay collection “Night Terrors”
“Whispering Peanuts” – Ellin Stein
Comedy historian, author, and “National Lampoon” scholar
“Hidden Steak” – Steve Okonski
Keyboardist for indie-psych band Diane Coffee
“Drummer At the Door” – Michael Fitzpatrick
aka “Fitz” of New-Wave soulsters Fitz & the Tantrums
“Shoot the Violinist” – Margaret Batjer
World-renowned violinist, concertmaster of the L.A. Chamber Orchestra
“Penguin Semi-Joke” – Andrew Bujalski
Writer-director of “Computer Chess,” godfather of “mumblecore”
“Eating Right” – Sherill Tippins
Author of the Chelsea Hotel history “Inside The Dream Palace.”
“Just Kiddin’!” – Timothy Olyphant
Star of TV’s “Justified”
“His Dying Wish(es)” – Carol Leifer
Standup comic, TV comedy writer, and memoirist
“Bad Luck Wife” – Gary Shteyngart
Bestselling author of “Absurdistan” and the recent memoir “Little Failure”
“Tough Customers” – Zach Schwartz
Aka Zach Rogue, frontman of the band Rogue Wave
“I’ll Be the Neck” – Lidia Bastianich
Celebrity chef, uber-restaurateur and host of PBS’ “Lidia’s Italy”
“Canadian Sex” – Margaret Atwood
Canuck author of dystopian classics including “The Handmaid’s Tale”
“Wheeled Pirate” – Peaches
Electro-provocateur, creator of autobiographical musical “Peaches Does Herself”
“Igorance or Apathy?” – Kenny Vance
Pop musician, producer, member of doo-wop hitmakers Jay & the Americans
“An Only Child” – Baz Luhrmann
Singular writer/director of “Moulin Rouge” and “The Great Gatsby”
“Archery” – Austin Brown
Guitarist for punk band Parquet Courts
“Chicken: Surprised” – Sherill Tippins
Author of the Chelsea Hotel history “Inside The Dream Palace.”
“Brown & Sticky” – Ben Schott
Compiler of trivia, author of “Schott’s Miscellany” and “Schottenfreude”
“Nixon in the Kitchen” – Penny Lane
Director of the documentary “Our Nixon”
“A Swiss Roll” – Alex Turner & Matt Helders
Frontman and drummer of UK rock superstars The Arctic Monkeys
“A Little Whine” – Ruth Reichl
Pioneering food writer, final editor of Gourmet magazine, novelist
“Octopus Soldier” – Aaron Aites & Audrey Ewell
Directors,“99%: The Occupy Wall Street Collaborative Film,” “Until the Light Takes Us”
“Six-Legged Beast” – Isabella Manfredi & Gideon Benson
Frontfolk for Aussie rock band The Preatures
“Scary Math” – Lars Ulrich
Co-founder and drummer of Metallica
